


Lucretia’s Baller but as yet Hypothetical Birthday Cake

by room_on_broom



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angry Taako (The Adventure Zone), Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Davchurch if you squint, Flashbacks, Humor, IPRE Crew | Starblaster Crew as Family, Light Angst, Lucretia dosn't actually appear till quite a bit later, Memory Loss, Minor Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Multi, Post-Episode: e067-069 Story and Song Parts 1-3, Sacrifice, Spoilers, Tags May Change, Temporary Character Death, The Adventure Zone-Typical Swearing, Wonderland, title might change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:28:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28395384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/room_on_broom/pseuds/room_on_broom
Summary: Taako makes an amazing Cake... Or at least he's planning on making an Amazing cake.  Unfortunatly it's for his estranged ex-boss and former crewmate slash little sister from another mister's party.Who'd have thought a birthday would be such a conundrum, or be so complicated for a chef.
Relationships: Angus McDonald & Taako, Barry Bluejeans & Kravitz, Barry Bluejeans & Taako, Bureau of Balance & IPRE Crew | Starblaster Crew, Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone), Taako (The Adventure Zone) & Everyone, The Director | Lucretia & Everyone, The Director | Lucretia & Taako
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. Lads Lads Lads-!

**Author's Note:**

> Set Set two and a bit/three ish years post SAS. Hoping to update weekly or at least fortnightly, let's see.  
> Sorry for any spelling errors

“I’m not saying don’t have a party. I mean, come on party points to spare here!” Merle, ever the peace maker, says.  
“Like I of all people have the right to tell anyone ‘hey don’t have a party!’” 

“Heck we even know a party god,” Magnus remined him. “We could put in a good word and get him to bless it so it doesn’t back fire on you guys.”

“So, wait. Is the party? Or the birthday that you all think is a bad idea?” Avi frowns. “I’m confused.”  
“It’s not a bad idea.” Merle explains, trying to smooth things over. “But yeah it’s both. The party to some extent, and the birthday bits. Mostly the birthday. I’m just saying ...they’re kinda complex things for us.”

“Tell me about it.” Taako grumbled, not looking up from the pasta he’s rolling out. Davenport agreed. Merle for once held his tongue; but only because Davenport didn’t like celebrating his own birthday anymore.

“Yeah I can’t speak for the whole of team human,” Magnus shrugs, unaware. “But personally, it was a bit weird even having actual birthdays again after not aging in forever. Barry? What do you think?”

“Well I know I’m an undead lich… And haven’t physically aged much normally even since landing here and all,” Barry said thoughtfully. “But yeah, it’s weird.” 

“Yeah. You died a butt load of times here too.” Mags added. “and I mean technically I am only, what three? Two and a bit? ‘Cos I had a pod bod and all.”

“You ever find out why Garfield was growing you a body?” Avi asked. Magnus scowled and shook his head. 

“By that dumb Magus logic, I'm centuries older than Lup.” Taako said, “You know, my sister. Twin sister.” He then went from dough to chopping spring onions. And points out with his knife, “Heck it makes you older than your wife, Barold.”

“And makes you the youngest reaper." Kravitz added sipping his coffee. “very tragic.”  
Barry frowned. “What?”  
“Wait no babe, because then Lup would be six months younger than Barry?” Taako corrected.  
“Oh. Yeah. Huh.” Kravitz frowned at his goof. “Sorry, it’s still a bit odd to me to be on this plane’s time.”

“Does that mean you and Magnus share a birthday now?” Angus asked Bluejeans.  
“…Shit.” Barry said. “I guess if we’re going off how old these bodies are, then yeah? Hadn’t thought about it like that.”

“Twinsies!” Merle grinned.  
“No thank you. One set on ship was enough thanks.” Davenport sighed.

“Excuse me, we were a delight. But yeah no I agree with the captain there. Me and Lup hold ‘The Twins’ title thanks. That’s our brand to milk find your own.” Taako said. “And you don’t get two birthdays either, Mags! Pick one and stick with it.”

“Well, tits.” You could almost see Magnus weigh up the options then shook his head.  
“Nah i’ll stick to my original date. If our birthday is both Kilian and Carey's wedding anniversary AND the Story Song Day anniversary, then I would never have another present again ever.” Magnus grinned. 

Then changing the topic-  
Or going back to the original topic of conversation. –he asked, 

“Cap'enport, are you going?”

“To the party?” Davenport frowned looking up from his cards. “I-I’m not sure yet. I mean- If it’s on the Moon and for…ahem, who else is going?” 

Taako was a hard pass. Kravitz was unsure. He’d already said it would feel weird and even disloyal to go without Taako; even though Krav was family now, he’d been invited and Taako said it was cool etc. Barry privately felt the same in regard to it being weird but had already said to Lup he would be there. But the other lads and Angus were going for definite. Seemed like everyone was up for it.  
Including Merle’s kids.

“We're keeping it a secret from Mookie though or he'll let it slip. He tells Lucretia all sorts.” Merle explained. Then scowled. “Wish we'd done the same and kept it from Magnus here.”

“Hey, what did I do?!” Magnus said, offended.

“You keep being too loud. More so than normal. Lucretia knows something’s up.” Angus said. Taako’s eye twitched but agreed.

“You do. You do do that. She can read you like a book.” Taako said not looking up. Taako had developed of not saying Lucretia’s actual name in his house unless absolutely necessary. And even then, the elf wasn’t kind about it.

“For a multiclass in rogue, you are awful at stealth.” Angus continued counting off on his fingers. “You are also dodging conversations with her and rubbing the back of your neck.”

“So do you!” Magnus argued. Angus ignored him and continued.

“You keep mentioning birthdays and party related things without saying those two words. Plus your anxiety around the subject makes any dog nearby you nervous. All your classic tells.”

“You keep stammering and being EXTRA chipper around her.” Magnus pointed out, nearly taking several mugs out at the same time. “and Merle keeps nearly asking if she has any plans? and making jokes about being old-!”  
“I do that anyway!” Merle huffed.

“you nearly the B word to her last Saturday.” Angus frowned at him.  
“…Bastard? Butt?” Merle tried. “Bitch? Wait no I wouldn’t say that that would be kinda out of character.”  
“Birthday!” Everyone snapped.

“You better not be.” Avi complained. “Any of you! If any of your three ruin the surprise you’ll undo all are hard work to keep it a secret, Team Sweet flips will, well, flip out!” 

“I can’t lie. I’m a cleric!” Merle whined.  
“Bull shit.” Magnus said.  
“Merle, you lie like all the time.” Kravitz said.  
“Do not!”

“Oh yeah? Who ate the last bag of Lup’s fantasy Doritos?” Barry challenged.  
“er…Magnus?” Merle tried.  
“For once, I did not.” Manus said smugly.  
“Shit.”  
“Yeah, you can lie, old man. You just also suck at it.” Taako said.

“I’m a cleric. And my charisma’s not great.” Merle insisted and rounded on Angus. “What’s your excuse?” 

“I’m a detective and believe that truth is a very important.” Angus said. It’s sounds worryingly rehearsed. And probably was. “Plus, I am only fourteen, and you guys are adults.”  
“When has that ever stopped you?” Kravitz teased.  
“It hasn’t yet but I want it taken into account again.” Angus said.  
“And I can’t lie to Aunt Luc. She and Auntie Lup’s perception and intelligence modifiers are crazy good compared to everyone else’s here, even mine. ‘Cept the captain maybe?”

“Hmm. Doesn’t m-make up for common sense unfortunately.” Davenport sighed.  
“Tell me about it.” Barry chuckled. Kravitz scowled. Lup had blown up one too many dungeons in luie of trying to open the door.

“Well there you are see? These two,” Magnus said, gesturing at the team so called healer and special boy. “Suck more at lying then me. So Angus or Merle are more likely to let the cat out of the bag way before I do.”  
“Bet he won’t.” Avi said.  
“My money’s on Merle.” Barry joked.  
“Have I reminded you you’re a douchebag recently?” Merle replied. “Nah Mine’s on the kid.”  
“Sirs? Please don’t place bets on me.” Angus sighed.

But too late. Kravitz was already involved the moment Avi said anything related to any gambling games. And suddenly there was odds and a pool. Not a big one mind. In all it only added up to three gold, a beer and an accidental dog biscuit.  
Johann the dog, who’d been snuffling at pockets in search of said treat or head pats, sat back on his haunches very confused as to what on earth was going on. Which was fair. Most of them were.

Out of the blue, Taako had phoned them all on a stone group chat. Saying how he was making lunch and it was mandatorily hanging out time with him, Kravitz, and Barry. Which was a bit odd in itself, because everyone hung out a lot nowadays, it didn’t need a formal invitation. Most of the time one could just show up to the house if they were in town and someone would likely be around.

But the gang rolled with it, and with Barry and Kravitz abusing workplace privileges, everyone was portal’ed in for lunch. It seeeeeemed pretty normal. The only weird thing was a chalk board in the kitchen. And the amount of paper scattered about at Barry’s end of the table. Board and papers, two things Taako normally wouldn’t allow in the kitchen. Privately Angus had his suspicions, but the other four either didn’t notice, or assumed maybe Taako was working on a dish. Or actual schoolwork.

However, Taako had something bigger was in the works.


	2. A council of nine and half (if you count the dog)

Taako’s kitchen is literately the heart of the house, with more seating options then his actual front room. Which is why they are all currently piled in there.

Merle and Avi were sat at the butchers block bar. The former complaining so much about the effort to climb the stools it’s a wonder why he bothered sitting there in the first place.  
There was an attempt at playing cards going on between Magnus and Kravitz and Davenport at the breakfast table. But the game kept getting derailed. Barry sat with them not sure what they were even playing anymore. Johan the Dog snuffled about despite not really being allowed in the kitchen but was very chill and better behaved then his owner. He mostly lay blocking the door and getting glared (unfairly) at by the now hiding cats.

Angus was at Magnus’s for the school half term, but neither had objections to visiting and free food, especially whatever Taako cooked up. The teenager was currently sat on a kitchen counter- being the only one who never got told off for doing so. Taako wasn’t sat but fluttering about the other end of the kitchen. Bar a little magic doing the washing up for him, he was mostly by hand tidying up lunch and had started prepping dinner for the evening.

  
It’s noisy and chaotic like most of their chill hangouts are, despite being lower on their usual numbers. Merle’s kids are at their mum’s for the week. Both of Team Sweetflips are working off base on something unfortunately and unable to join. But they apricated the lunchboxes sent their way. And Lup is also out, catching back up on paperwork supposedly. But Barry has a feeling she trying to give the guys a lads day.

Lucretia is deliberately absent, having been explicitly left out Taako’s invite. Although given the way the conversation had turned back to keeping her surprise birthday party, it was more about keep it her out of a loop, rather than anything malicious on Taako’s part.

Well… Sort of.

  
“This is Bullshit by the way.” Taako said. Loudly.

“The party?” Angus asked.

“Yeah, The Party! I wasn’t describing my pasta.”

“Am I missing something?” Avi frowned.

“To be honest I-I still think is a bad idea.” Davenport said. “And the surprise element just-…it doesn’t sit right with me either.”

“Must be hard work organising something like that right under the boss’ nose; on her own moon base.” Kravitz grinned.

“Tell me about it.” Avi sighed. “Killian and Carey are more stressed about this then they were about their own wedding.”

“Ah, probably because Lucretia did all the organizing for that for them?” Merle said with a nudge.

Taako cleared his throat and Merle amended.  
“Catering and wedding Cake excluded, of course.”

“Of course.” Everyone agreed. Taako after all had out done himself on the feast and intricate tiered cake. He’d even made the canapes look like little ducks.

“But all they had to do was ask, and boom. Madame Director tried to make it happen. No stress on the brides.” Merle continued. “Reception, the decs, music, the paperwork shit, venues transport yadda yadda.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. And Madame Lucretia would do it all again in a heartbeat. Killian is her favourite employee after all. But I didn’t say that.” Avi said with a wink.  
Merle nods sagely. And tries to wink back. Winks don’t really work with one eye but there’s an attempt.

“Carey’s only stress at the wedding reception was if Scales was going to show, given Noelle’s family were going to be there.” Magnus agreed. “So, is there much left to do for this birthday bash?”

Avi shook his head.  
“We’re almost already all sorted for it, now that caterings covered,” He said. “it’s not a big deal or a formal thing? Just buffet, booze via the Chug n’ Squeeze. And a bit of a disco or bard or a band depending what we can book. Same as we do for everyone…”

“It isn’t the same.” Taako grumbled.

“If it’s just a small do and the same as you do for everyone, why the big deal?” Angus asked.

“Yeah, if it was your birthday you wouldn’t be trying to keep it a secret.” Davenport said, frowning at his cards.

“Because it’s just a nice thing to do to throw them a party.” Magnus said. “Come on guys?”

“It sounds like it’s hardly a cake and a singsong in the canteen or the hanger job you’d put together like most birthday’s, is it?” Davenport pressed. He turned his frown on Avi, to great effect.

“Okay okay so it’s a bigger bash then the usual office party.” Avi said, with his hands up. “She is our boss and one of you seven. So, we can do a bit more than just bunting. Plus, we’ve Never celebrated her birthday on the moon base. We did everyone else’s but no one knew her birthday. And it’s a secret cos we want to give her a nice surprise. Director’d always help outside of working hours. Even we were B O B for Balance.”

“That is true." Davenport said. Possibly begrudgingly, it was hard to tell.

“She still does. Killian and Careys’s honeymoons, plural?” Angus remined. “The charity works. The community projects. Getting Refuge back on the map and a goods road. Mr Brad’s art show last autumn? Our parties?”

“All that, plus more. BUT if we told her we were having a party for her, she wouldn’t come, would she? Or tell us not to bother. So, we decided it was out turn to spoil her for a change.” Avi said.

“How do you spoil a rotten orange?” Taako said under his breath. Loud enough Angus cut him a look and for Barry messaged him warning, “Taako,” In his head. But low enough most of them missed it.

“So it is a big deal then.” Merle frowned sadly. “that’s worse.”

“How?” Avi asked. Angus and Kravitz also looked confused.

“It does sound a bit more than a little surprise party.” Barry said.

“Yeah. Lucretia can blend in and take too fancy like a duck to water if need be. And Keep a level head in dangerous situations. But springing something that big on her?” Magnus pouted.

“That is kind of the definition of a surprise party, Mags.” Kravitz interrupted.

“Magnus is right.” Barry said. And Davenport nodded. Ignoring the shock that statement called for.

Merle sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.  
“Look, I know she’s the Madam Director, nails public speaking and all that crap. I get it.” He said. “But Lucretia? Still introverted as hell. Doesn’t like a fuss being made over her personally. Remember last summer?”  
They did, unfortunately. He continued. “She’s made this little slightly unhealthy comfort zone for herself in her office. I’m just saying made centre of attention for something that's not work-related and outside her bubble-?”

“With no time to prepare.” Magnus added.

“With no prep time,” Merle agreed. “Luc might get a bit. Ummm.”  
He started. Then stalled.

  
“Embarrassed?” Barry asked  
  
“Stunned?” Davenport put in.  
  
“Overwhelmed?” Angus suggested.  
Merle finger guns them. His wooden hand even sprouts a little leaf.  
“Bingo. All that.”  
  
“Yeah, make it a surprise and the shin dig might give the old granny a heart attack.” Taako agreed.  
(And ignored Barry’s second warning, “Taako.”)

“Really?” Avi frowned. “The only time I’ve seen the Director out of sorts is er, you know the End of the World? Worlds even. Like ours and in the Story. She’s very confident the rest of the time.”  
  
“Yeah, wonder where she got from.” Merle says not unkindly.  
And ignores two very pointed glares from the Captain and Taako. Fake it till you make might as well have become the IRPE’s motto.

Barry wants to bring up minor illusions too, because there’s no way, confidence aside, that even Lucretia looked that hashtag sleek-as-hell all of the time. But he decided maybe now is not the time for it and says instead.  
“Confidence is one thing. Doesn’t mean she isn’t anxious on the inside. I know ‘Cretia plays it cool. But personal stuff?”  
  
He paused frowning up at the window.  
  
“… I don’t think people realise how much Lucretia puts herself at arm’s length and has to gear herself up before speaking at any of them big events. As Madame Director or back with the Starblaster Archivist press stuff …  
Mind, I don’t think she realises the amount of people that do care for her as she is either.”  
  
There’s a beat as everyone takes that onboard.  
  
It’s ruined by a hideous fake sneeze from Taako. The type that is normally followed by a quip about allergies and bullshit, or feelings, or sappy stuff. But he’s interrupted.

  
“Maybe you could let the D- Lucretia know there’s a party?” Angus asked Avi. “Say it is for someone else. So, you don’t have to sneak it past her. And then surprise it’s for her when she gets there?”  
  
“Then she’d want to help. We’re trying to surprise her so as to not give her extra work to do.” Avi shrugged. “Plus the Happy Birthday Director banner might give it a way.”  
  
“Maybeee don’t have that on a banner then?” Angus said. “or were you being sarcastic there?”  
  
“He was, but we defiantly should have banners.”  
“Magnus!”  
  
“Whose side are you on?” Kravitz frowned.  
  
“Hey I vote for a party; I just think we don’t spring it on her.” Magnus said. Without a trace of irony that he’d spent a whole year jumping out on his family.  
  
“Maybe we could keep it quiet, but warn her like, an hour before? So, she can compose herself. Or at least have the outfit she wants on.” Barry agreed.  
  
“Especially with newer bureau members being around.” Merle says. “That’s a lot of people to perform and smooze. She isn’t going to be able to relax or goof around with people she doesn’t know.”  
  
“She’s normally fine with them.” Avi argued. “And she does socialise with us, all you know. Like outside of office hours. It’s a lot more relaxed up on the moon nowadays. Most jobs don’t require even a uniform. Not that you guys ever wore any.”  
  
“Yeah, but that’s still at work. Sure, Luce loves you, Carey, Killian and the OG bureau gang.” Magnus said. “But is she like that with the Benevolence recruits yet? And the new-newbies?”  
  
“…Kinda?”  
  
“As their boss? Or as their friend?” Davenport asked.  
  
“Sometimes? And she’s okay at staff parties.” Avi persisted. “What about all the ones you guys have thrown?”  
  
“She isn’t at all of them, fly guy.” Taako said lightly. But somehow putting emphasis on a whole sentence rather than any individual word.  
  
“And they’re never Lucretia’s parties, are they? As in ‘for her’. How many has she organised then just…left?” Davenport insisted.  
  
“She was okay at my birthday party.” Angus pipes up.  
  
“Which?” Taako teased fondly. “You had like four just for your thirteenth, little dude. And a barmitzfa.”  
  
“The ones she came too.” Angus frowned. “Oh. But yeah, then she slipped off pretty early for most of them? Hmm.”  
  
Kraviitz cleered his throat.  
“I er, I noticed she gets tired really quick.” He said, uncertainly. “Was that normal, for her?”

“Depends. If you mean like peopled out tired? Afterwards sure.” Barry asked. “Or just actually sleepy tired?”  
“The first I think? But I don’t know her all that well to say for definite.”

“Defiantly the sleepy tired after the sweet flips wedding.” Magnus grinned. “Most of us passed out after the after party because of the booze. Lucretia just needed a nap! Right, Avi?”

“Right. Dozed off in the bubble on way home. But again, I didn’t tell you that. Which is why we’re having it as a surprise. So, she will at least come and stay for a bit,” Avi repeated. “If we’d asked permission, she’d have said no. And she can’t say no if it’s a surprise.”

“That’s if ‘Cretia doesn’t take one look and teleport out of there the moment you yell surprise.” Barry pointed out.

“She’s too awkward for that.” Taako said. Then made a face.

“So, it’s a surprise, just so she can’t help out at or bunk off her own party?” Kravitz asked.

“Yeah-!” Avi started.

But was interrupted but Merle bursting into a parody of Fantasy Lesley Gore’s It’s my party (and I’ll Cry if I want too); accompanied by his own dancing.  
“If it’s her party she can bunk if she wants too-! Take a nap if she wants too!”  
Magnus joins in the chorus, even getting out his seat to air guitar with Merle. (Kravitz and Captain both went to sneak a look at his upturned cards, only for Barry to slap his hand across the table to cover them. He’s not sure what they’re playing but Kravitz is such a crow when he wins games.)

They get though nearly half the song. But Taako didn’t join in. Davenport didn’t either but for different reasons. And not just fair use copyright issues.  
  


“It’s odd. All this time and all we’ve done, and sometimes,” The Captain said with a sigh. “Sometimes she’s still that shy kid I picked out of the third-year grad students at the application stages. Like Lucretia was a stubborn hardworking best-selling author a bit a ghost one so she had that in her favour. But you wouldn’t have thought it talking to her. I had the twins coach her for the press conference with a note card in her dress pocket.”

“Lucretia’s still a real wall flower sometimes.” Magnus agreed… then warned. “Merle do not go there.”

“I wasn’t gonna! Besides I’m with Dav.” Merle shrugged. “Sometimes ‘Creesh is Still a kid to me.”

“Still hates you shortening her name to that rather than ‘Cretia or Luc.” Magnus grins.

“Still a world class dumbass to me.” Taako added.

“Still a- hey no Taako, will you cool it?” Barry snapped.

It didn’t take a genius- (Barry was a genius sure but still) to see that Taako was Stress cooking. Even with lunch only just over and cleared away, there he was starting on making dinner later on. But making it more over top then really necessary for just the four of them even by Taako standards. Especially this early, and with magic at his disposal.

Taako’s ears flattened at Barry’s admonishment; and for a split second he looked like a deer in the head lights. But then he huffed as Barry continued.

“You got like a fortnight till you even have to start preparing anything. Take it down a notch, seriously.”

“Preparing for what?” Davenport asked. Then frowned at the look on the elf’s face. “Taako? Is something the matter?”  
“Absolutely nothing oh captain my captain.”

“Really?” Merle said. “only, you invite us to hang out and then you do nothing but act like a gerblin on a hot tin roof.”

Magnus also frowning, said suspiciously, “yeah. Seriously what’s up with you?”

“You are being very weird.” Angus agrees, in a twerpy sing song voice.

“Everyone’s favourite flip wizard is a-okay fine thank you, compardres.” Taako scowled. Then scowling solely at his brother-in-law, berated him.

“And also its A week and a half, Barry. Not even a half even a week and three days. so basically a week. That’s like, nothing. No time at all. Like even by human standards and I’m an elf, what’s a week to an elf?”  
  
“Seven days usually.” Kravitz quipped. Then more assuring tone said, “you’ve ten days and whole afternoon. That’s plenty of time, love.”  
Taako was almost soothed. 

But then Barry sighed. “Yeah, relax a little, would you?”

“Relax? Relax?! How the fuck can I relax Barold, there is a lot of shit to do-!” Taako snapped.  
  


“What’s happening in a week and half?” Merle interrupted.  
  
“Lucretia’s surprise party!” Avi, Davenport, Angus, Magnus and Kravitz remined.  
“Oh yeah.”

“Fucking hell.” Avi sighed head in his hands. “Krav, buddy can I change my bet back to Merle?”  
“Hey!”

“Wait.” Magnus said and frowned even harder at Taako. “Are you stressing about the party too?”  
  
“No!” Taako said. In a way that read as yes.

“Why are you stressing over the party?”

“Yeah, you said you weren’t going.” Captain frowned.

“Like, a lot!” Merle added. “Loudly.”

“I’m not. I’m not going. I just… Got roped into helping a bit.” Taako said. Well flubbed.  
  
“Well now, there is a feat in itself!” Davenport chuckled. “Trying to get you lot to do your assigned chore sometimes was like pulling teeth! How on earth have you managed that Avi? Bribery?”  
  
“I think the girls and Lup bullied him.” Avi admitted.  
“Ah.”

  
“Taako… maybe now is a good time to ask them?” Kravitz suggested.  
  
“Ask us what?” Avi said.  
  
“Wait no let’s guess!” Magnus said.  
“Let’s not.” Barry suggested.  
“Yeah, let’s not do that.” Taako agreed finally abandoning his dinner preparations. "I don’t want to be here all day.”

But Magnus was now concentrating so hard Barry worried shit or smoke might come out of him.

“Hmm. Nope!” He said. “Someone else ask him why, I rolled a two for investigation.”

“Angus you do it. You’ve the highest insight, lad.” Captain teased. But Angus shook his head.

“I already know what’s going on,” he said smugly. “I’m giving you a chance to catch up.” Merle glared at him. But before the dwarf could get snarky at the kid. Kravitz cleared his throat again.  
  
“Taako would like your options on something. Wouldn’t you, love?”

  
Taako made a noise that was half sigh half ‘uuughhhh do I have too?’ Then said,

“Yeah, alright so. Listen… and I don’t ask this lightly. Especially given the things I’ve seen some of you bozos wear and eat.” There is a definite eye over to the other two of tres horny boys there.  
“But Kravitz and Barry, and Lup are right, I suppose. We need some …help… on this matter…”  
  
“Is it about those rhododendrons by the door?” Merle butted in. “they look kind of dry.”  
  
“No, it’s not that.” Kravitz said. At the same time Barry said, “Merle, shush.”  
  
Both were ignored and Merle carried on.  
“Or the herb border? I can certainly help there if they need attention- “  
From anyone else this would have been an innocent comment. But it was Merle so there was very slight a waggle of eyebrows, and a chorus of disgust and laughter and a upside the head smack from Avi who was nearest.  
“Absolutely not!” Taako snapped. “anyway Look, jack ass, the real reason I called you all is- well I'm making the birthday cake see.”  
  
That last bit was said in a mumbled rush. As if Taako tried to breeze over it like it wasn’t a big deal. “so yeah, I need to know; how old do you guys think Lucretia is?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year all the very best to yous


	3. Number Crunching

# 

You could have heard a pin drop. In fact, they did, as one fell out of the black bord in the silence and took several sheets of paper with it.

“Sorry Taako. I didn’t catch that middle bit there.” Magnus grinned.

“Don’t pull that on me. You heard me say clear as pink crystal that Taako’s making the dam cake for this party.” Taako huffed.

“Cool.” Magnus says, still grinning. But deciding not to make a big deal out of it and goes back to his cards.

Merle nods. “Yeah. Cool. Weird place to start but okay. Good for you, buddy. You two need to have a conversation at some point-?”

“It’s not like that!” Taako snapped, cutting him off. “I’m making a cake. She didn’t ask me too. You know, given she’s allowed NOWHERE near this grand surprise plan? I’m not being in the same room as her. Not even going back to the moon anytime soon. I’m not making any gesture of friendship or forgiveness or any of that shit! Okay?”

“Okay okay! Pan alive give an old man a break!” Merle surrendered.

“…You're making the cake?” Davenport asked.

  
“You guys didn’t know?” Avi asked very puzzled. “That’s what this, today, is about?”  
“Barry, Lup and I did.” Kravitz informed them. “And Ren of course. I’m guessing Angus worked out something was going on?”  
  
“I have my sources.” Angus confirmed very egmaticaly. “Also, the discarded plans all over the room? They’re all plans that relate to cakes in some way, and Aunt Lucy’s birthday is the only one we’re currently planning for.”

(Barry inadvertently tensed and made a face. The same one he did when anyone called Lucretia ‘Lucy’. Lup included.)

“I still can’t get over you sometimes calling her ‘Aunt’ Lucy.” Magnus teased good naturedly. Angus poked his tongue out at him.  
  
“Mavis and Mookie do.” He argued.

“Mookie couldn’t pronounce Lucinda-.“ Merle said.

(“Lucretia.” Magnus corrected Automatically.)

“Pronounce Lucretia at the time, and just shortened it to Lucy, that’s why.” Merle pointed out. “It just stuck. And it’s a kind of a dwarfen thing to assume your related to any adult in your life.”

“I know that. But I asked, and she said I could call her that too. Lup is auntie as well.” Angus said. “It’s no weirder then having eleven plus guardians listed on my school is it?”

“Nah, It is.” Taako said. With the same face on as Barry.

  
“You're making the cake?” Davenport repeated in disbelief, addressing Taako again; Having been silent for a while. There was a weird tone in his voice too.

(Barry winced. Sure, he’d been just as angry with Lucretia’s betrayal as the captain and Taako. But… in time and with talking, He had come to terms with her choices, and things along with his own. And Lucretia wasn’t going to forgive herself for a long time either even if she didn’t regret the outcome. Things were easier now. Still weird. Weird as fuck. But yeah easier. And getting better. Especially after Lup got her body back. It would never be the same, and he is still mad. However he’d moved on somewhat and he understands where she was coming from.

He thinks he might have even Forgiven her. Or will do. Maybe forgiven most of it. He wanted to forgive her, even if he is still angry. More for himself if anything. And for Lup.

Plus, he’d missed Lucretia. And just hanging out with her.

Not everyone felt the same. Taako made his feelings on the matter very clear. On several occasions. Davenport? Less so. He is enigmatical and dodging with questions to his feelings. Barry wasn’t sure where Davenport stood. The sea air had done him good and there was no doubt in Barry’s mind that Davenport still loved her as he loved all of them. But Davenport had hated what she’d done. Had him do, in his little smart suit. There was always an odd tension between her and the Captain where in the same room, neither knowing what to say or do.

Birthdays and parties weren’t the only complicated things between the IPRE team…)

Taako waved the captain’s question off as if physically avoiding it. “Yeah yeah. That’s not the issue at hand or why I called you all here. How old do we think Luc- SHE is? Or more on point, how old does she think herself as, I guess. Anyone know?”

His guests shared a puzzled frown between them.

“Why?” Davenport asked.  
“It’s key to my design.” Taako. With an anime pose.

“No, I mean why are you making the cake?” Davenport pressed.

Taako make a noise, like a frog being stepped on.

“Because I was asked too, because am the one who cooks, who bakes who does all things. Ergo the cake is mine. But seriously, enough of that bit.” He said, and flipped a Paper over the chalkboard, revealing several maths equations, including some algebra.  
“Back to the age question. We tried to work it out amongst ourselves. It’s Nothing complicated but-!”

“Those are a lot of numbers.” Magnus said nailing it.

  
“I know right? It’s almost like we did some maths and just showed our workings out.” Taako said. Magnus flipped him off.  
“We've hashed it out,” Barry put in. “The three of us and Lup. But couldn’t come up with a definite answer.”  
  
“Lookie here. If we don't count the mission years because we weren’t ageing, she’d only what thirty-five this year right?” Taako said, grabbing the chalk and underlining one set of numbers then highlighting another. “If we add our mission years that a hundred and thirty-five.”

“Right. So, which is it?” Avi asked.

“That my friend, is the problem nuberueo uno.” Taako said.  
“I don’t know. Worse, Lup doesn’t either, which I was banking on really. Who here bothers to counts the mission years in their age? ‘Cos I know I sometime don’t? We reset every year, and Me and Lup were already a few centuries old to begin with. But sometimes I do cos we did LIVE them, tragic backstory aside.”

“Yeah.” Magnus frowns and points at the board. “But that's not taking in Lucretia’s whole losing twenty years thing either.”

(No one mentioned Wonderland by name. No one had to.)

“Bingo. There’s problem number two.” Taako agreed. “Don’t laugh at that. But do I add twenty years or not?”

“Aunt Lucy might not be comfortable with that going on a cake.” Angus thought aloud. “I dunno if I would be.”

“Yeah. She was days from turning twenty for like ever. Then aged a few years. Still very young even for a human blah bla blah chess game boom, Suddenly she’s like forty and a bit? Then the- you know- the decade thing. Who wants that on a cake?” Merle says.  
Then thinks. “But that said, Lucretia she’s not vain and quite accepting of the fact she is er, older now.”

“Which then cocks up my maths again.” Taako interrupted. “Problem two being cos if she’s counting twenty years in her age then she’s either a hundred and fifty-five, or just fifty-five.

“Well, half a hundred, still a stunner-ed.” Avi ventured.

“That’s not a thing is it?” Davenport frowned. “Please tell me that’s not a real quote or saying.”

Avi winked. “No. But, hey? It could be. Fifty -ish is hardly old right?” He continued, “and I’m saying that as human who wasn’t immortal for any time ever. And plus, she wears it well.”

“It’s still older than you, buddy.” Magnus pointed out.

Avi shrugged with another wink, a more flirtatious one. “Still younger than Barry.”

“Technically no, I am three years old by Magnus logic.” Barry deadpanned. “Angus any ideas? You’re normally good with puzzles.”

"No. No ideas here, sir, sorry.” Angus frowned. “But I have a motto! And it's: 'Age ain't no thing!' If that helps at all."

“Not really my dude.” Taako sighed.

“Oh.”  
  


“That is …an incredibly creepy motto for a small boy to have.” Barry frowned. “and I’m saying that as the token creepy guy.”

“I thought I was the creepy guy?” Kravitz asked.

“You’re the token goth, babe. Barry had the creepy one title before the Starblaster was even built.” Taako explained. Barry looked very smug about it.

“I thought Grimaldis was the Institute creepy guy.” Davenport frowned.

“No, he was just A Creep.” Magnus corrected.  
“And a cretin.” Taako agreed.

“Also, I am not a small boy.” Angus cut in. “Remember? I rebranded my business cards say teen detective. I’m thirteen and a half!”

“Hate to break it to you Ango but that’s an age AND a thing.” Magnus said, then grinned. “but hey, Lucretia likes you best out of all of us? You could probably just straight up ask her how old she is.”  
“It's not polite to ask a lady her age, sir.”  
“Polite shite. I want to know what to put on the cake.” Taako said.

“Captain, shine a light? Any ideas how old the old lady is?” He asked. Which was a miscalculation.  
  


“Taako, if you’re asking because I was with her for the decade-” Davenport snapped suddenly flushed. “I was hardly in a fit state to keep track of her calendar, was I?”

Barry flinched. Taako flinched. Everyone flinched. The atmosphere in the room dropped several degrees.

“Yeah that- that happened.” Taako said, his ears drooping. “I waaas actually asking cause you’re the only one here who’s not a total nerd, dweeb or himbo y’know.” 

(“Hey!”)

“But that one is on me, my bad. I kinda forgot that. And that, Poor choice of words there.”

Davenport glowered at him. Then shook his head.

“I don’t know I’m afraid.” He sighed, “besides, if she did ever tell me I don’t remember off the top of my head. It might be in my ships logs maybe? I’d lost count of my own age way before- everything so I couldn’t ever work it out for you. I know my birthday date- or at least what it matches too here. -” Davenport clamped up. Merle meanwhile clambered down from his seat and waddled over to him, and placed comforting hangs on the gnomes shoulders, and a offering balm of calm. It seemed to help.

“Wait, when is your birthday?” Magnus tried. But Barry shushed him.  
“But hey!” the Captain shrugged. “Once you reach two hundred you tend to lose track. And that was before the century, right Taako?”

“Yeah.” the elf nodded, idlily prodding the dinner preparations with his focus, letting items take care of themselves. Kravitz to stands and offered an arm out and Taako lent into it despite the hight difference. But said nothing else on the matter.

Merle whistled and said wistfully. “Oh, to be just two hundred again.”

“…Hang on! Even with a century, you’re only like a two hundred and sixty-eight, old man.” Magnus said.  
“That’s still quite young for a dwarf isn’t it?” Angus asked.

“Oh, you hear that Dav? You got yourself a toy boy!” Merle said brightly, giving his captain a bristly smooch to his cheek. Davenport shoved him but laughed at least.

“Gross!” Taako said with a gagging noise.

“T, you have an arm literally draped over Kravitz shoulder right now.”

“Chuck it, Mags. Anyway back to my problems.” Taako insists. “one of which is as MacDangus would put it-“

(“McDangus?” Angus said wrinkling his nose. “For real?” )

“Crack this mofo of a case right open.” Taako misquoted. “and by that, I mean working out which age slash maths equation to punt for.”

“Plus, there are all the other variables.” Kravitz added. Only to get a shove from Taako. 

“Ugh! No Krav I’m not including them!”

“Why not?” Merle asked.

“Because they suck! Bad!” Taako complained.  
“I still think we should at least look into it?” Barry said.  
“No.”

“Well, I’m curious at least.” Kravitz said sitting back down at the table. “And I want to solve this.”

“Traitor.” Taako huffed, sulking at him and Barry. But Kravitz ignored him and he turned to the other three birds and asked,   
“Do you guys add the years you died in your ages?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angus keeps jumping between using names and sir but I'm not happy with the balence of it so appogises there.
> 
> Also would you rather have a chapter three weeks in a row then a break? or carry on a bi-weekly up date fortnightly like I have been doing?


	4. Fantasy Costco Ailse 7 Kids Party Section

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> changed the title slighlty, still not sure :|

“Do we- wait run that by me again?” Davenport frowned. Magnus and Merle looked just as confused.

“Do you guys count the years you died in your ages?” Kravitz repeated and explained. “Like do you take that away from or add it in with your ages? Say if you died early on in a year. Do you include that year in your age or not? Taako said-

“Cha boy said it was confusing.” Taako interrupted.

“He does that.” Kravitz continued. “Whereas Barry says he does but only before her became a lich. Lup wasn’t sure when we asked her.”

“‘Cos some of her deaths she doesn’t count if it was the Hunger that got her.” Taako explained. “I didn’t get it either, so I just skipped that theory.”

“It’s a bit different with me and Lup being liches too.” Barry reminded. “Even if we died those years, we were still around. So we did live that year.”

  
There was some hmming and finger counting. Davenport did not count them as years in his age. Merle did. Magnus was confused and said as much.

“Okay so, you’re asking is this sum, right? Ages, minus the time Lucretia died?” Avi asked pointing out an equation with little skulls in place of a letter. “Is that before or after her birthday?”

“Oh. wow I haven’t thought about that bit.” Barry said allowed.  
“I’m not calculating the days she snuffed it before she turned twenty again.” Taako scowled. “you can work that out in your own time Barold.”

  
“Here’s what bothered me.” Kravitz said. “Merle I know you weren’t counting them as a lost year as such; but for example- you died fifty-seven friggin' times, right?”  
“Right.” Everyone chorused.

“So, minus the century, does that only make Merle what a hundred and eleven?” Kravitz asked.  
“Oh all the ones!” Merle grinned. “Legs elven, plus an extra one in the middle.”

Davenport definitely shoved him off for that one.

“I can’t believe you made me hear that come out of your mouth.” Avi groaned.  
“Same.” Magnus and Angus chorused. “Jinx!”

“You sure you’re not counting the eleven times we died in Refuge in that, babe?” Taako asked.

“No why?” Kravitz frowned.

“Nothing. It seems very young for the old coot.” Taako quipped.

“Hey!” Merle scowled. Taako stuck his tongue out.

“Should you really count those eleven times?” Avi asked. He’d moved to join the others at the table. “Like I know you died a fuckload, but it was only a day not a year.”

“Still hurt like a fuckload.” THB complained.  
“Still went down as a fuckload of deaths in the Reaper books too.” Barry explained.

Kravitz nodded. “They did get pardoned on that on though. Just.”

  
“Hey, so could this also technically be Lucretia’s first birthday? or twentieth?” Magnus interrupted. “If it’s technically her first birthday she’s celebrated here right?”

(“It’s not the first.” Davenport said quietly. “Or even the second.” But wasn’t heard over the others railing on Magnus.)

“Sir, no?” Angus said. “Then she would be a baby. Or not aged at all.”  
“Dude I know you’re dyslexic but come on!” Taako complained, cuffing the fighter across the back.  
“Wow we really are dumb as shit for a team huh.” Merle grinned.  
“Speak for yourself.” Barry says indignantly.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works, big guy.” Avi said.

“And don’t start suggesting dog years.” Kravitz added.

And then very seriously addressed the dog in the kitchen, “No offence Johann.”

Johann the Dog let out a boof of a half-arsed bark. It could have been a ‘fuck you Kravitz’ boof; or a ‘none taken, my guy’ boof. I don’t know, Justin, I don’t speak dog. But anyway:

  
“Look, Director is older than twenty. For sure. She’s either one of these four answers we already had. Or okay, possibly what the deaths included answers are.” Taako, jabbing his board.

“And then give or take some with the plane adjustments.” Barry nodded. And got a mage hand to the back of the head from Taako and a squark.

“Barold, how many times? Plane time do not count as a year, fuck off!”

“Mind my glasses! And for the record, year forty something? We were on that tiny planet hardly any time at all.” Barry complained. “It was like five to seven weeks tops. And that counts as a cycle.”

“We came through a reset, found the light then the Hunger showed up and we exited the plane. That’s a cycle. Lucretia wrote it down; so, it counts as a cycle.” Davenport said.

Merle agreed.  
  
To a degree; “Yeah but Harry here-.”  
  
“Not my name Merle. I am right here you can’t mis spell my name in a verbal conversation.”

“Do what now?” Merle asked. Then corrected himself. “Buzzy – “  
“Absolutely NOT!” Barry argued.

Merle went selectively deaf. And continued. “Baz has a point.”

“He does not.” Taako said.   
“It wasn’t always year like we see a year, Right?” Merle argued.

“Oh not you as well!” Taako complained. Merle flipped him off. “There’s a shiteton of academics all over Faerun and beyond debating whether spacey Starblaster time counts for time and relative dimensions and shit. Don’t add to them!”

“Another plane in the stories, you were on for almost two years by our standard. " Angus pointed out. Avi nodded.

"Yeah, so does that count one cycle or two years?" he asked.

"One cycle.” Davenport explained in his captains voice.  
“Plane nineteen for example a year there was technically at least three times our own. While we there longer than we were for most planes, time there physically acted odd too. And it still counted as a cycle. Then on one plane, I think it was the Hamster world, we were only there for a third of what they took as a year before the hunger arrived, but it was year by our standards."  
Then added,  
"Also, our years, as in two sun years, are different to ‘yours’ here on Faerun. So there is that discrepancy too. For example, our planet had more hours per day then we do here. You know, given the rotation of two suns not one."

"What?!" came three indignant cries.

"…You hadn't noticed the clocks here only go to twelve? " Barry frowned at Tres Horny Boys. "Seriously? But anyway, we'd less days per calendar month. So even yeah our years are different to Faerun years; but are also pretty similar give or take some timing."

“What!?” Merle repeated

“Bull shit!” Magnus said.

“Everyone Shut up a second!” Taako snapped. And they did to be fair.

“One Cycle Equals ONE Year. No arguments. And we did ninety-nine of them. Plus this one. Besides ‘Stolen Century’ as a title sounds cooler.” He said, in a no argument voice. “in house Taako, we Keep it simple, stupids!”

“…Did you just kiss me?” Avi winks. And gets a wrist scrunching high five from Magnus.  
  
  


Taako sighed and dragged a hand down his perfect face.

“Look folks, I'm only making this cake out of the goodness of my heart. All I just wanted to know how old the Direc-tat-a-tot is.” He said. “It was bad enough with just a century, the ten years, plus three to bring us to now, and POSSIBLY an extra twenty to sort out even before we brought the dead box idea. So don't bring that many more variables into it.”

The assembled lads all begrudgingly agreed that was fair.

“Good.” Taako grumbled. “Can’t believe I relearnt maths for this shit-!”

There was a pause. Then Angus called him out.

“Hey wait! It’s not out of the goodness of your heart at all!” He stated. “It’s cos Carey asked you, but then you said no-!”

“Lies!” Taako cried. And slapped a mage hand over the kid’s mouth. Or tried to. But Angus escapes it, by ducking out from under it and sliding off the counter. “Absolute bullshit! Do not believe this fibbing human child!”

Angus shot out of the way of Taako’s spell. Magnus protector and also human, stood up and human shielded the magic boy, avoiding another attempt at silencing him.

“So, kid, why is Taako making the cake?” Merle ever the shit stirrer grinned.

“Ang don’t you dare!” Taako warned. Angus dared. In fact he popped up over Magnus shoulder, blew a raspberry at Taako from his vantage point and loudly announced:

“Carey told me that Taako agreed to make the cake Because, when she first asked him Taako said ‘no way’. Carey said, ‘no worries’ and she’d either ask Lup or get a bakery one, right?” He grinned. “BUT then Taako got mad at the idea of a bakery cake!”

“Magnus, Kravitz we’ve raised a snitch. Who taught you that?” Taako fumed. “Or is this Nerd lord Miller’s influence? Ruining a perfectly good magic brat-!”

“So then Taako took that as a challenge.” Kravitz finished with a chuckle. Then warned Magnus who swung the boy around. “Watch his head on the ceiling!”

“So you are making the cake,” Davenport asked, “because you didn’t want to make the cake?” “Don’t side with him! And still I could NOT make the dam cake if I wanted to. Absolutely.” Taako huffed.

“That’s an even worse excuse.” Barry pointed out, turning to the others. “Also Lup overheard him bitching then say yes, and she said it’d be a great idea. So then Taako couldn’t even pretend he’d forgotten to do it.”

  
“Fuck you Bluejeans. and Challenge smallenge. I don’t need to bake a cake to prove myself to anyone or any of you.” Taako sneered. “It would come out of work expenses or something anyway. Let the BOB go buy a shitty cake. Be my guest-!”

“Please Don’t Say That!” Avi winced. Loudly.  
  


Then when everyone looked at him confused, he explained.  
“It’s just there’s not much time left to arrange a replacement. I mean we could but- well it’s more Garfield the Deals warlock? He keeps cropping up on the Moon. Almost every time someone mentions about getting something for the party. If Taako backs out now and he finds out, Garfield’s going to be awful trying to get us to buy a cake from him!”

“He’s …not invited, is he?” Davenport asked. Magnus in particular looked very creeped out at the idea. And set a rather seasick Angus down at the table.

“I’m not coming if Garfield is!”  
“Same.”  
“Yeah I’m out!”  
“How come none of you lot have caught up with him yet?” Merle accused the Reapers. Barry and Kravitz just shrugged.

“Garfield’s defiantly not invited so you don’t need to bail. He wasn’t supposed to have a shop there in there first place!” Avi cringed.  
“But he’s got wind of it somehow. Keeps asking if we want anything extra with air quotes, and that he could do us a sweet deal on paper plates, for a trade. It’s Super weird him even being back on the moon. Like weirder then normal. You know, seeing as the old fantasy Costco building is now a children’s centre and all.”

“OooOOh with the soft play area?” Magnus’s eyes lit up. “Please tell me the party’s in there? Please?”

Avi shook his head. “It's for under tens only mate, you know that. And it’s more a nursery set up. Unless you can convince a certain brilliant wizard,” here, he thumbed at Taako. “To cast enlarge on the jungle gym for the evening.”

“Oh yeah great! Give your boy another thing to do for a party that I'm NOT attending.” Taako said. “Besides. Drinks; of the sticky alcoholic variety? And a ball pit that nappy wearing babies normally use? Sounds unhygienic as fuck to me.”

“Tell me about it. Mavis loved them as a little one but yeeesh.” Merle grouched. “Every time I ever took the kids to one of them indoor play joints, I come out with a cold, and they’d something stuck on their clothes. Or be upset cos they’ve got pushed over by a bigger kid. Stressed parents. Stupid mascots. Bad food. Everyone yelling. Shoes everywhere. Horrible places.”  
  
“Agreed. Fuck that noise.” Angus nodded.  
“Angus!” Davenport exclaimed.

“What?”

“Let the boy say fuck.” Taako admonished.  
“You can’t encourage that,” Davenport scolded. “He’s honour student!”  
“The Captain’s right, you probably shouldn’t.” Angus agreed.

“Watch me.” Taako said. “Everyone else swears around him enough, even you.”  
  
“Yeah! Fuck yeah!” Magnus grinned in agreement. Then pouted at Avi, just a lil bit. “But you sure we can’t have the party in the soft play?”

“Positive.” Avi said.

Magnus pouted more. “I wanted to go on the slides.” he whined.  
“You could probably just build your own slide?” Angus said. “You could even have one inside your house.”

“Now there’s an idea!”

  
“Or better yet you can always babysit Mookie next time he wants to go to The Wacky Warlock’s Warehouse in Neverwinter.” Merle suggested, with a heavy hint.

“The… Wacky Warlock’s Warehouse? is that what it is called, Highchurch?” Kravitz frowned. “Or are you fucking with me again?”

“It’s what it’s called!” Merle defended. “It’s mascot is a happy looking Cthulhu thing with a bowtie on!”  
  
“Yeah. Stop bad mouthing Wackies.” Avi agreed. Then to Taako asked.  
“Back to the ‘Why do you need to know her age anyway?’ question. Just make a really awesome cake, dude.”

“Excuse you, any cake by me will be awesome.” Taako corrected. “I need to know; cause I need to plan if its gonna have candles. And decorating? And how big?”

“It's only gonna be the bob and us guys,” Magnus said. “Doesn’t need to be super huge.”

“Or super fancy.” Avi agreed, “like Mags said the bob, you guys. And some others.”

“A cake doesn’t need to be fancy to look amazing.” Taako said. Paused. Then asked.  
“Wait. How many others?”


	5. Candles on a Cocktail

“Well, you guys, Lup, the kids and the OG bob squad obviously.” Avi said starting to list people off.

“That isn’t a thing Avi.” Kravitz grumbled. Avi had been trying to push his team nickname BOB Squad to rival slash tie in with Taako’s suggestion of the Reaper Squad for a while now. Avi ignored him and counting off on his fingers, continued.

“Some ex and retired members. Dracula and some other newbies who’ve been volunteered with the party set up. Folks from the Library. Some people she knows from the rebuilding including three Tom Bodets. A couple of dignitaries, but they’re not coming as their job. Klarg and co. Everyone’s refuge buddies. The Chug and squeeze Pottery class. The folks from both Botanical art and research guild, and the school of illustrators institute. And unfortunately possibly Lucas Miller. Dickhead hasn't rsvp'ed yet; and he’s still being weird about” Avi paused and gestured. “…everything. Plus the band, and we might hire some bar staff for the night.”

The others just frown at him. Then Davenport whistled.

“That is a lot more people the Kilian and Carey said.” Taako said slowly. “It sounds like a full on gala!”  
“Yeah. I’m not comfortable around that many fancy folks at once and I’m the big dude.” Magnus agreed.

“I think that’s too big of a surprise to spring on Luc.” Merle nodded.  
“How are you even going to keep that a surprise?” Barry asked. “You can’t sneak that many people up to the moon without Lucretia, you know, your DIRECTOR, noticing.”

“We’ve got that handled! And it’s not fancy. Or a gala, at all. It’s not the whole of organisation or groups either. Just a couple or a few from each? The ones she actually likes.” Avi said defensively. “We weren’t thinking huge- huge. Even if everyone on base comes that’s like so many?”

“So many. So many? Real helpful information, thank you for that my guy. Either way we are for sure looking at a bigger cake just to feed everyone now!” Taako huffed.

“Magic it bigger?” Angus suggested. “Can you make a regular size cake and Cast enlarge?”

“You can’t just cast enlarge on a cake my dude. It’d stretch the icing and the air inside, and then could even collapse in on itself. Multiply maybe?” Taako hummed. “But take a note, magic boy, enlarge is shit on baked goods. And fruit. Don’t ever cast enlarge on a stone fruit.”

Angus dutifully got out his notebook and scribbled it down.  
“Oh yeah, don’t ever do that, kiddo.” Davenport said. “Remember what happened Year eleven?” 

The other four birds cringed.

“What happened Year eleven?” Kravitz asked, but no one elaborates.

“Taako, that’s why we’re doing so much regular food.” Avi argues cutting over them, “The cake is the centre piece. But you don’t want so much cake no one touches your buffet, right?”

“Centre piece or I'm not making some ‘serves ten but if you cut the slices wafer thin’ nonsense.” Taako said. “No one wants to go to a birthday party and get no birthday cake! It’s gonna have to be a big cake. Or a ton of smaller ones, like an army of cupcakes. Plus if it needs a possible one hundred and fifty six candles, it need to be a bigger cake anyway.”

“So just put hundred-ish candles on a cake then.” Magnus said. “ ‘Cretia won’t count it. I mean Dracula might but no one else will know. Ah Ah Ah-!”  
“That’s the Count not Dracula. Different vampire reference.” Kravitz pointed out.   
“Same voice.” Magnus shrugged.  
“Racist.” The non-playble characters said.  
“Weren’t you bit by Drac?” Merle asked. But Taako had been too busy ranting to give a muppet.

“Oh Yeah sure! Sure Mags. I’ll just Cover the whole thing in candles! Nothing but candles! To many to count And then knowing my luck; She'll end up fainting before she blows them all out. and it’ll somehow be Taako’s fault.” Taako complained. Then added. “Plus think of the candle wax.”

“That’s a lot of candle wax. Grim.” Barry said and everyone agreed.

“Could do number candles for her age?” Merle suggested. “Or number cakes even with a candle each?”  
“Yeah but WHAT NUMBERS, MeRLe?” Taako said.  
“Er.” The dwarf frowned. “What were the options again?”  
“Oh for The Love Of-!”

The others started listing them again for Merle. Oblivious to the fact Taako was almost tearing his ears off in frustration.

  
“Listen-!” He snapped jabbing a finger at them.. “Speak now, or all she’s getting "Happy Stupid Party You OAP" done in bitter lemon frosting!”   
“Hey take it down a notch!” Barry admonished. “That’s not cool.”  
“Or nice, Taako!” Angus added. Magnus and Kravitz agreed.   
“Bit harsh.”   
“Might be too much.”   
“Least she’ll know who it's from then.” Davenport grumbled.  
  
“What the hell you guys?” Avi said.

“Ooh oh! Or you could do ‘Wow You're Old As Fuck!’ " Merle grinned. Magnus burst out laughing.

Barry shook his head appalled. “Guys! Taako come on! Can’t you just make a big cake with plain old ‘Happy Birthday’ on top?”  
“Boring!” Magnus said. Well boomed.  
“Happy birthday? Just happy birthday?” Taako agreed. “Even for you Barry, that is boring.”

“Seems a solution to a lot of problems though.” Kravitz pointed out.

“You could just put one candle on it too?” Angus suggested. “Then it doesn’t matter how old she is.”

“Happy Birthday? One fucking candle?” Taako asked in disbelief. “Boring. Boring as Barry, the both of you. Angus, my dude you are a magic boy, I expected better.”

“Magic teen!” Kravitz reminds him, before Angus can throw a teenager strop. “Or a sparkler, rather than a candle? Saves on the wax.”  
“Ew no. Sparkler dust is worse than wax and you gotta keep blowing on it to get it go out.” Avi pointed out. “Even more if it’s a joke one that relight themselves.”  
“Even more so if it's thirteen joke sparklers that all keep relighting. For an hour.” Angus piped up. With a glare leveed at all three Tres Horny Boys.

“Don’t look at me, I didn’t agree to that schtick.” Taako lied.  
“That was one birthday party, come on Angus please?” Magnus pouted. “I said I was sorry.”   
“Merle didn’t.” Angus huffed.  
“Because I wasn’t sorry. It was hila- Ow!” Merle yelped.

The Captain had kicked him under the table and acted like he hadn’t.   
Instead Dav turned to Krav and asked,   
“Do the reapers death books not have a number or record of how old we are? Or can things not be so simple?”

“Nah. We tried that. Only how many times you’ve all – well you five have died.” Krav sighed. “I mean we could do that theory take that away from and work it that way?”

“Nooooo. Please I don’t need more numbers.” Taako whined. But he didn’t stop Barry as his brother-in-law got up, summoned his own Book of Stuff and stole his chalk. Barry did some quick calculations on a side note then began filling in the blanks, muttering to himself.

“Don’t add too many variables.” Taako frowned following him. Kravitz frowned too.

“How come The Director died way more then you anyway, love?” He asked, but Angus elbowed him and hissed.   
“You can’t just ask that!”

“So take that way from thirty-six, fifty-six and the two added century ones.” Taako said, ignoring the question, looking over the board ad stealing back his chalk. “We either have x y and z and fuck I forgot to label that one. So she’s either X y z and zed two.” He continued Circling his calculations. “hmm. okay so one of those is a minus number? Which doesn’t mathematically make sense. so let’s not do that one.”

“Right. Or ignoring both the century, and the twenty years; take away her deaths with the birthday variables I do know aaaand” Barry frowned. “Lucretia’s an actual snot nosed tweenager. Hmm. Angus, I can hear you pouting by the way.”

“I’m nearly fourteen. and I’m not snot nosed.” Angus sulked.  
“That’s a lie.” Said Merle. Merle for some reason had never stopped trying to get a rise out of Angus, even if he was as fond of the kid as any of them. Same applied to the dwarf’s unrelenting bullying of Barry.

Any argument that could start however, was interrupted by a thud from the side of the house. Like very close to the house, considering the side of the garden.

“Whoop, my cannon ball’s here.” Avi said, downing the last of his drink and gathering his bag. “I’m gonna have to go.”

“That glass elevator better not have landed in the fruit patch again.” Taako warned with a wave. “Later Avi!”

“Take care. Don’t’t work too hard.” The Captain added.  
“Still up for Poker night Saturday?” Kravitz asked.  
“My place!” Merle remined.

“Sure!”

“We could have made you a rift.” Barry offered but Avi just grinned.

“Those things leave me feeling like I’m getting beaten up by an initiation ogre. Besides, perks of job; I like to travel home in style! See you fella’s. Thanks for lunch, Taako.”

Avi said his goodbyes, heading out the back door. Magnus and Angus went to see him off, followed by Johann at their heels. Kravitz refreshed everyone’s drinks. And stole a peek at Magnus’s forgotten cards while he was gone. (Not noticing Barry plant a jinx on his own deck for cheating!)

“Why not just do a boring cake then if you don’t like her or want the faff of having to make it?” Merle asked while it was just the five of them.

“Or delegate it to Ren.” Davenport suggested. (Kravitz also didn’t notice that Davenport slip himself an extra card from the deck).

“Ren’s already doing savoury things with Lup. We’ve a plan, the three of us gonna work together and use a lot of the prep here. Then they’ll finish it in the BOB kitchen. ” Taako sighed, flopping into the chair Avi has just vacated. “They got Pringles getting snacky shop-brought junk food too, and the girls are planning the canapés plus any dietary things. Take note Barold your plates are yellow. And someone make sure Angus doesn’t touch the red plates. Already planned it and everything.” He sighed again and gestured at his cake plans. “I just need to match.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have too?” Merle pressed.  
“I will make the dam cake.” Taako huffed as Angus, Magnus and Johann the Dog returned. “And I’ll rope Ren and Lup in if I need to actually make it, you know given the size it might have to be now. But Cooking it is not the issue. I'm just stuck on the planning.”

“What about a jello cake?” Magnus suggested sitting back down. “Then you just need a magic cool box to keep it chilled. Hey, did you look at my hand?”

“No.” Kravitz grinned. “And The Director’s not five, Magnus.”

“No but according to one set of maths Luc’s possibly like, twelve.” He grinned back.

Taako threw a spoon at him. Magnus caught it in his fletchers mitt and crowed about it.  
“Why are you even wearing that?” Merle asked but is ignored.  
“I think Lucretia would actually physically slap anyone who says she’s like, twelve.” Barry argued.  
“I can take it. have done lots of times.” Magnus winked. Barry frowned not sure he wanted to know. As did a few of the others. “I mean she’s slapped me in the face before! Get your mind out the gutter!”  
  


“I’m not making a jello cake.” Taako said firmly. “I’m putting my foot down on that one. Look see this foot? Going going down it goes and bam down. That is a N O no on the Jell-O.”

“Yeah, but you can put alcohol in jello cakes.” Merle said in a singsong voice, waggling his eyebrows and dragging out all the O’s in that sentence more then strictly necessary.

“Do you want repeat of the time Mookie mistakenly drank Red Bull?" Angus asked him. “Or that Adventure Camp picnic where the ginger beer and the adults alcoholic ginger beer were mixed up?”

Merle rolled his eyes, both his good grey eye and his glass hazel one. “Point taken. “

“This from a certain young man who was sick as a seadog after his first long island ice-tea aged twelve.” Davenport hummed. “You don’t get to judge Mookie’s hyper or drunken antics, Angus.”

“I thought it was juice! And it’s named tea!”

“Twelve is not old enough for long island iced tea. Especially Kilian’s measurements.” Barry said. “I still don’t get how you managed not to pass out after you finished yours. I don’t remember anything after I finished mine.”

“Oh shit we should get Kilian on the bar!” Magnus beamed. “She and Ren would be amazing together making cocktails!”

“Only if we have plenty of sodas too.” Kravitz said. “I know it’s a party, but can you do some non-alcoholic cocktails? It won’t do to have any sad or angry drunks after twelve of Kilian’s Cocktails. Also Brad is a light weight, and Klarg doesn’t drink alcohol.”  
  
Merle agreed he’d get Chesney’s mocktail and fruit juice menu up. And a tea selection.  
“Also who the hell claims they can manage twelve of Killian’s cocktails?” Merle frowned.  
“Her wife.”  
“Carey’s lying there. I know for a fact her PB is eleven. Lucretia probably could handle them though.” Magnus said. “Okay so no jello cake. But can we at least have jelly shots?”

“Jelly shots. And cocktails.” Merle agrees.

“Labelled.” Kravitz, Davenport and Angus said at the same time.

“Take all that up with Lup or Avi!” Taako wined. Merle and Magnus took that as a yes and cheered. “I’m not doing the bar stuff. I’m doing the important bit, the food. And more impotently then that, the cake!”


	6. Flavour Town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyones doing okay. Migh be a three week break between chapters some point rather then two, been a bit hetic here recently. Enjoy

“Take all that up with Lup or Kilian!” Taako wined. Merle and Magnus took that as a yes, and cheered.

“Or Avi, even! You got your bracers? Go follow him and ask him.” Taako groused. “I’m not doing the bar stuff. I’m doing the important bit, the food. And more impotently then that, the cake!”

“Don’t we know it!” Kravitz grumbled.  
“Ah. So Booze, age, numbers and size aside; Taako?” Barry asked trying not to laugh and failing, “Have you actually picked a goddam flavour or type of cake yet?!”

Kravitz made a face at him that said very loud and clear that while Barry and Lup had gone to bed last night, Taako had obviously been up late with this conundrum. Again. And Taako flipped Barry off. Again.

“Shouldn’t you’ve done that before you work out what candles to put on it?” Angus asked. Taako shrugged.  
  
“Yeah probably? Taako’s being cautious though, you can’t rush art.” Taako shrugged. “And Barry, no you know I haven’t. I mean I would have let know if I had. Maybe. BUT! But I’ve narrowed it down.”  
  
“This,” Merle teased gesturing to the sheets of paper. “Is narrowed down?”  
“So I’ve a few ideas in the air rather than a top five, sue me.” Taako said.

“My issue see is I’m thinking of making her second favourite cake?”, he continued. “Like not her favourite cake but a up there one, you know. But I’m not a hundred percent on what to go for? Pretty sure it was carrot cake that was her second favourite. But that said, I got to pick a crowd pleaser. I mean who has carrot cake at a birthday party, right? Or a non-alcoholic fruit cake? Out of the question! Like actchi matchi she’s old lady; but she ain’t no one’s grandma yet.”  
  


He is met with two weary looks, and one two three four blank looks. Five if you count Johann the Dog.

  
“What’s wrong with carrot cake for a birthday cake?” Davenport asks.  
  
“Hidden vegetables.” Magnus scowled. And pestered Taako more. “Why go for Luce’s second favourite? That sounds err a kinda weird.”  
  
“Well obviously I’m not going to make an awful bad tasting one and put my brand on the line, right? Or get me beaten up?” Taako explained. “That is very important. So nothing that’s full of chilli’s or salt or soap or anything spiteful.”

  
(“You’re full of salt.” Barry grumbled. Taako ignored him. )

  
“So same logic, I can’t be petty and make her absolute least favourite cake, one she’ll hate. Or else Lup will see it and know what it is and think I’m being petty. Nor can I deliberately make an ugly one. I refer you all to ‘Reason One: Not getting beaten up’ on that result.” He reasoned.  
“And listen, I can’t make her favourite cake, or she'll read into that too much. She’ll think I’m being nice or that I’ve made it off my own back and give two shits about her or the whole party thing. Which I don’t.” He continued.  
“So, I make a cake that is not her personal favourite and not one she dislikes but good enough that everyone else is wowed by. Simple right?”

“…No.” Angus said. Taako ignored him too. “

And so long as no one gives away the surprise, MAGNUS-,”

“Hey!”

“Party is a success, my cake is well received. Everyone wins.”

“Unless you make a carrot cake.” Davenport surmised. Taako frowns again.

“Unless Taako makes a carrot cake.” He said, more to himself if anything. “yeah... Guess I’ll have to nail her third favourite instead. Or forth even. Pretty sure forth was red velvet, easy on the frosting. That could work? Oh I could even make it blue velvet for the bob! That’d be kind of cool right? Unless her tastes have changed...” Taako shuffled his papers about then turned to his apprentice and said in a terribly sweet voice.  
“Angus pumpkin, could you do some sleuthing? Find out her top five cakes? Oh! or better yet, see if coffee and walnut cake is still her very favourite? If it isn’t any more, I could maybe get away with that. ”

  
“Why not just break into private rooms again and steal her journals?” Davenport said, sourly.  
“Oh fuck yeah. Angus do that!” Taako agreed. As did Magnus and Merle. And Kravitz.  
“I was being sarcastic, you three be quiet.” Davenport said. “Angus don’t steal her diary!”  
“I wouldn’t,” Angus assured him. “I’m a private detective, not a common thief. I’m not breaking into Aunt Lucretia’s quarters again.”

“Again?” Barry asked then remembered. “Oh right yeah, we broke in to find out what was going on didn’t we.”

“Ah but isn’t this a mystery?” Merle tried. “The Mystery of a what kind of cake should Taako bake?”

“Last time we were trying to find Junior and save the world. I will do some sleuthing on Taako’s behalf.” Angus insisted. “But as it’s not a life-or-death situation I’m not stealing anything.”

“Traitor. It’s life and death for my sanity donstnt that count?” Taako said, but with very little bite. He picked up one of the recipes post it note ideas, read it then the crumpled it up and threw it over his shoulder. “well either way no banoffee flavours. I know that was up there in the favourite for top spot Pie wise. not a cake but still, off the table.”

Kravitz let head in his hands let out a frustrated groan.

“Taako, I thought you said it was dark chocolate that was a favourite last night?” he frowned.

“Her favourite biscuits are chocolate.” Davenport corrected, despite himself.

  
“Specifically Florentines. She used to like them with white chocolate and macadamia nuts but now tends to like them with dark chocolate instead. And pistachios ‘cos she’s a weird-dio.” Taako counter corrected. “Her favourite cake is- or at least was last time I made it- was coffee and walnut cake, again easy on the frosting. Bonus if chocolate coated coffee beans like they did to their equivalent on that plane with the snakes on.”

“You both know her favourite biscuits? Right down to the nuts?” Barry hummed raising an eyebrow. The captain let out a huff but neither rose to the bait.

  
“Why do you think your houses only has malted milks and fantasy ‘nice’ when we’re all hanging out together.” Angus grumbled.

Magnus agreed. “I put out cookies one time for a snack and when I came back suddenly it was a plate of oat and raisin. Not even the good kind.”

“I was doing you a favour, you ingrate. Oreos are bad and overrated.” Taako scowled.

“Wait Taako, you steal the cookies from our place just to fuck with Lucretia?”  
“I don’t steal them; I transmute them. Give me some credit as a wizard Barold.”

“What the fuck. Why?” Barry said then shook his head. “Actually no don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.”

“You could just do a basic vanilla?” Davenport suggests changing the subject. “Like vanilla sponge cake. That’s pretty mediocre but generally well-liked, isn’t it?”

Taako looks like the captain as if the gnome had just suggested he give up being a wizard in favour of being a goat header.

  
“How dare you?” He said quietly.

“Yeah. Make a plain sponge like shitty store brought cake,” Magnus said in agreement not reading the room. “but home made with actual ingredients?”

Taako very slowly turned his glare on Magnus. And looked twice as murderous.

“…First of. proper vanilla is the best flavour ever anyway, so captain no offence? But fuck you.” he said slowly. “It’s the fake vanilla flavourings you find in store brought cakes that’s mediocre. They use vanilla essence rather than extract or real vanilla, and it, is the worst. Worse than over essence, even orange essence.”

“Did- did I actually offend him for real there?” Davenport whispered to Merle as Taako stood up and stalked back to the kitchen counter.  
“Yeah.”  
“Shit.”

“And second, can't.” Taako said rolling his sleeves back up. “Vanilla is off the list homies. Barred. No go.”

The whole table Groaned that time.  
“Why?”

“Why not vanilla?”

“Vanilla was her favourite.” Taako scowled and began prepping his forgotten pasta ingredients once more.  
  


“You just said it was coffee and walnut!” Merle whined. The others added their own complaints.

Taako’s face was stony. When he spoke again he didn’t look up at any one, his frown stayed fixed on his work.

“Yeah, that’s cos vanilla was her favourite. Past tense. It was until I made other cakes and it got bumped down the list. Then her favourite was coffee and walnut. Obviously.” He scoffed. “Besides. I did vanilla seed dotted Victoria sponge with lemon frosting for her graduation slash birthday for that degree she worked on for plane fifty. Because at the time it was her favourite. So no go on the vanilla.” Taako said. Perhaps not noticing his emphasis on words or how he was stressing every mention of she and her. “Again, she’ll read into it. And make it a big deal.”

“Er that part of reading too much into it sir?” Angus said tentatively. “I think you are.”

“I am not!” Taako replied.

Barry was very glad someone had said it. Someone other than himself. Taako would bitten his head off if he’d put it to him. Maybe even killed him again.  
  


“…Caterpillar mud cake?” Merle suggested breaking the tension. “Everyone loves caterpillar mud cakes.”

“No they don’t.” Taako snapped.

“I like them.” Magnus argued.

“You willingly ate unicorn dick and rocks. We don’t trust with your taste buds.” Taako pointed out.

“Wait what?” Davenport and Barry asked.

“Oh yeah Magnus ate unicorn dick by the way.” Merle said very off handily then argued, “What’s wrong with caterpillar mud cakes?”  
“What’s right with them?”

“Are they like, actual caterpillars and mud?” Angus frowned.

"Nah little man.” Taako assumed him. “It's a Twosun dwarf thing. Think of it like a dry, cheap ass chocolate Candlenight’s log but its then coated in more chocolate, millions, and smarties. With a horrible fondant face on one end."  
“That doesn’t sound too bad.” Angus puzzled.  
“Taako’s just a food snob.” Kravitz teased.  
Taako made a face. “Caterpillar mud cakes shouldn’t count as food.”

Davenport at least agreed with him. “Mud is the right word for them.”  
“Hey! Mookie likes them too!” Merle defended.  
“Maybe, but if you have one for Mavis’ next birthday, I will disown you on her behalf.” Davenport scowls. “It’ll her fifteenth she needs an excellent cake.”  
“I second that. Caterpillar cakes are always dry as fuck and taste like dirt.” Taako agreed.

Then stood thinking.

"That said part of me honestly wants to just get a load of dirt on a plate and transmute it to look like cake for this shindig. Cut into it and then, oh, worm?"  
  


“You said to Carey you were going to make a good tasting cake!” Angus said.  
"And Kilian said it had to a real cake or don’t bother." Kravitz reminded him. “Well actually Kilian said it but implied it had to be a real cake or she’ll punch you.”

“I know I know.” Taako said. The others are suitably unhappy with the suggestion. Well, Merle and Magnus were up for it as for a joke; but only if Taako had a real cake as well.

“Better just make it a real cake then. A real dick shaped cake."  
“Lup said no dicks, butts or dick-butt cakes. Keep it classy.” Barry reminded. “nice party, nice cake.”

“No things that secretly cakes either!” Kravitz said. Quite passionately. The others looked at him.

“No one said that one. It’s just personal request, though. I hate that meme. I picked up what I thought was one of my books two days ago and it was cake. Lup had been fooling around with fondant.”

  
“Yeah she did that with my sleep jeans.” Barry sympathised. “Great craftsmanship, you two but it’s a waste of food.”

“Shheesh tough crowd.” Taako complained.

“If it's this much of a pain and you still don’t like her, why are you making the cake?” Davenport asked. He clearly wasn’t going to let this drop.

Taako didn’t answer at first. Taako scowled at him. Then at them all.

Then most curiously Taako Glanced around and he took out his stone of far speech. He put his stone over the counter. And cautiously put an empty mixing bowl over his stone to cover it.

“Taako?” Angus started but Taako shushed him.

And glanced around again, in a most paranoid way, his ears twitching. The other instantly went in to battle mode but Taako waved then down shushing them also.

“Look okay. This goes absolutely no further then this room, okay? Swear? I have a reputation to maintain.” He said, in almost a hiss.

The was a great many confused Crossing of hearts and hands up. Taako eyed them suspiciously. Then sighed and eventually admitted.

“It is…kind of an olive branch. alright?”

“I KNEW it!” Merle said jumping up from his chair. Very loudly.

“You didn’t know shit!” Taako snapped.

“I did too!” Magnus insisted.

“No you did not.” Angus frowned.

“You owe five!”

“We didn’t bet on it!”

“Guys shut up-!”

“Do you want to know or not?!” Taako cut in. They did shut up. And Merle sat back down sheepishly.

“So. It’s a branch, sure… But not because I’m forgiving any of the shit she's done!” Taako admitted. “So don't you dare tell anyone otherwise. I still hate her guts. Most days.”

  
“Understandable.” Davenport said. “Given the circumstance.”

Barry nodded in agreement. Angus shifted uncomfortably. Merle sighed, and Magus scrunched his face up but shrugged in “I guess” way. Kravitz sipped his coffee and declined to comment.  
  


“But this ain’t about her. Don’t look at me like that. I know it’s her party, but my cake is taking a starring role. And well you were right it’s more… a branch. But to the bureau.” Taako continued then went on something of a tirade.  
“Look, I ain't going to the party. Taako’s good down here. Ain’t gonna be stepping back on her stupid moon anytime soon either, not if I can help it. But you guys and our friends, and Lup, are throwing it for her so… have I forgiven her? Absolutely not. Fuck no. But…

Have I accepted that the B.o.B. yeah it was a shady as hell but that they were doing it for good and now do a ton of charity? And looked after us? I’m getting used to it. Plus brad Bradson the poor bastard’s had a rough time, and Leon…wasn’t as bigger tool ever. And I maybe over did the fucking with him. A bit.”

“So do I want it to be cool party cos they all worked hard and deserve to play hard with a cool party? Yes. The birthday cake is the centrepiece. It sets the tone of the shindig you know. I can’t give her a lame ass cake out of spite, because the others are working hard to make it a good party. That isn’t fair on them. Taako don’t make meh cakes not for his friends. And now back to regular Taako scheduling.”

“I do not make lame cakes no way is that getting assisted with my brand. so have a good cake means I get compliments on my patisserie skills! While not having to attend the thing and be anywhere near her? Bonus. Absolutely a hundred and 5%. So that is my ulterior motive. And I will magic missile anyone who says otherwise.” He finished.  
“Are we clear on that?”

“Clear.”  
“Yeah, yeah. Clear.”  
“As crystal.”  
“Clear.”  
“Clear.”  
“Woof.”

“Clear…. But I still think you’re reading into it too much.” Angus said. Taako smiled at him and ruffled his hair.

  
“Ango? My dear sweet boy?” He said nicely. “You are so fucking grounded.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading TC now

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I'm room-on-broom and BuerueofOverBalence on tumblr feel free to say hi


End file.
